Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
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I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
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Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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