He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize