Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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