You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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