Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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