By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
