i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
