tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
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i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
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Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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