I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
