Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
