Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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