I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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