I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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