He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
