Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
