where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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