Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize