she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
