If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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