I wish I could teleport
I can tuck mytits in my pants
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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