The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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