Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize