if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
