sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
