I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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