I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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