last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
