Farmville is her only friend.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
