How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
