I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
