i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
