dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
