if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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