I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
