morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
