kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
