Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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