I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Someone came in the potted fern
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
