I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
