I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
