I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
