i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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