I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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