i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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