Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
its liver damage thursday
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
