I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
