I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
