so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
