I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
