So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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