I just pynch a tree in the face
dude i'm inner monologue high
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
