he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
