...so i touched it.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
