I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
