Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
