She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
