She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
