Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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