that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Randomize
