I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
