it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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