Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
