I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
