I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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