Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
