Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
we're making bets on your personal life
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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