Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
